Holidays fast approaching and nothing has changed.

It’s coming up to another Christmas; another New Year’s eve and I am still where I was last year, alone.

I want someone for my own someone that makes me smile, that turns me on, someone that I can trust someone that truly wants me and I want them. I said last year that I wouldn't be alone again this year. Looks like nothing has changed because it is still just me.

I feel selfish even stating these things when I am pretty sure the coworker I drive to and from work is interested in me. The problem, I’m not attracted to him. I feel like if I was in a movie or tv show I would give him a chance and go out on a date with him fall in love and then break his heart because as much as I would care for him I wouldn’t be IN love with him. But this is a movie and isn’t tv and I don’t want to hurt him. 

It seems all the men I have the courage to talk to at work all have girlfriends or wives. This needs to change. Change is scary!!

He's Happy ... and doesn't want me, but I am ok with that

Telling him didn’t work.  He still wants someone else. But seeing him and being with him one more night made me realize that he’s happy and happier with her then he would be with me. But I can’t find it in me to be too torn up about him being happy. I wish I could be the one that made him happy but it is going to happen so now I am left alone.

How do I tell you?

How do I tell you all the things I want you to know? How do I make you see all the things you could have with me? How do I tell you without breaking my own heart in the process?

I desperately want to take that leap of faith and trust that everything will turn out alright but I don't know if I am ready to  hear that you really don't want me like I think you do. I don't know if I can move on. But I hate standing still like I am. I hate the place where I am right now. Stuck just being the one you talk to all the time. Not the one you love. Not the only one you love.

How do I gear up to tell you everything that could possibly put an end to everything? How do I lose you again?

How do I make you understand how much you mean to me? How do I get you to see me?

But how do I go on hearing that you think I'm prettier with my glasses than without? That I turn you just by talking about doing yoga? or hearing that you like having a message waiting from me when you wake up? How do I do all these things and not think that you want more with me but just are too afraid to change your life around?

How am I not enough to make you want to change your life around?