Frustrations!

So I should warn you...I suck at updating...I just don't have the time...or I don't make the time...take your pick. Also I am writing for me to get things off my chest because I just need to sometimes.

To start I live at home out of necessity not because I want to be here. But it's also not like I don't appreciate having parents who care and offer me a free place to stay. That means the world to me. I love my parents with all my heart!

... however, this is not to say that it isn't hard being at home at 28 years old. IT SUCKS.

I have no problem helping out around the house. I cook as often as I can for the three of us, and I help keep the house clean. I even get along with both my parents really well.

The parts that I have trouble with is being in the house when they fight. It is one thing I always hated to hear when I was growing up; them yelling at each other. I remember being ready for church one Sunday morning in the front hall  with my coat and shoes on waiting, but my parents were upstairs fighting about something. My brother came down the stairs to get his coat and shoes on and saw me crying. He asked me why I was crying and I told him that I was worried they were going to get a divorce. Being the good big brother that he is he calmed me down said not to worry they would never get a divorce they just fight sometimes.

To this day I still HATE when my parents fight. Now however it's for different reasons. I know enough to know that my parents will stick it out for the long haul. They have been married 40 years that won't change. What has changed though is now I get pulled into things by both of them. On the days following a nasty fight one or both of them will come and talk to me and air out how they feel. It SUCKS! I have told them as such.

Now they don't ask me what they think per say...I am never asked to take sides but I am always the one that is the sounding board. They like to talk out the argument, just not with each other. That is a big problem right there. If you are reading this and are married then please talk to each other about the fight. NOTHING gets solved if you talk to someone else who isn't involved. Communication is key and all that shit.

What's also changed is that I can see where they are going wrong when they fight and can't do anything about it. They make the mistake that I am sure a lot of married couples make; when one tells the other one what they think and it's hurtful then  the hurt person retaliates and says something hurtful back. It's a horrible cycle and then your fighting about everything under the sun and you get to a point where you don't remember what the original argument was about.

My parents do this ALL the time! They listen to each other but they don't hear each other...or maybe it's they hear each other but they don't listen to each other. Either way they never and I mean never acknowledge what the other has said.

I find it funny that growing up all I heard from both my parents was two wrongs don't make a right, but yet they do it all the time and think it's ok. Hell I don't think they realize exactly what they are doing.

So here I am at 28 listening to my parents fight and hating it as much as I did when I was no older then 7.

I have to stay out of it and I try my best to, even when I am sucked into it by them. So when someone tells me that I have it lucky that I am living at home at 28 I want to say to ask them, 'are you married?, do you fight with your partner?, how would you like it if you had another adult living in the same house to hear you fight? what if you were that other person always on the outside like that being forced to look in. It's not all sunshine and daisies living at home.' I would much rather being living on my own then with (for lack of a better term) an old married couple.